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Deep In Thought

College is over for winter break, and what a crazy last week it has been. Just a few moments ago I was getting my nerd on watching Legend of Korra online free. Never pay for your movies and shows.

Anyway, back to last week. Watching the show, which has a lot of crazy drama with some relationship stuff thrown in, makes me think about my own life. Especially in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. B|


Last week I went kind of crazy. I got phone numbers from 4 guys in about 3 days thanks to partying, working out, and attempted revenge. Let me explain. The first guy’s number I got was when I went to work out. I was minding my own business, visiting the gym at my college apartment complex and a dude was in there working out. As soon as I stepped in he asked me if I would be his workout partner, which I thought was kind of strange and forward, so I said “uh..yeah” then proceeded to do my own thing.

After I was done he came over and said “are you ready now?!” and I was like “wtf…” but rolled with it. Long story short, it turns out he is a personal trainer, promoter, future college football player, and more (wtf again) and he ended up giving me some great tips for my workout. When I was about to leave he said “when will you be here tomorrow?” and I said “usually around this time” and he said “what’s your number so we can keep in touch about the-” blah blah blah.

The next 3 were at parties, of course. One was at another apartment party and is frankly a boring story, so let’s get to the juicy stuff. The next was at a frat party. One night I was ready to sort of unwind and prepare for the next day, but my roommates had other plans. They decided to go to this frat party and wanted me to go too. I almost didn’t. Anyway, we went and it was really country. By this I mean country music, people, and just atmosphere in general. I can roll with almost any crowd, but one of my roommates not so much.

During a break in the action my roommate who was not diggin the scene told us about another frat party. This one intrigued me because I knew one of the guys there very well. So well in fact, that we liked each other and “sort of” dated but he never really committed. So that’s where the revenge comes in.

I decided to stupidly go and dance with another guy to make him jealous. Not my best idea… plus it didn’t work because he was asleep. (lol) I danced with another guy anyway and that’s where the last number comes in. He was pretty nice but meh. I don’t know what I want anymore in most parts of my life.

To top all of this off, my ex-bf has been texting me wanting to hang out, even though he has a gf. This is all deadly information. I hope I can remain anonymous…

Other crazy things happened during the week too, but I’d rather not go into detail. The point of posting all this was to help sort out my thoughts and reflect on this roller coaster that I’m on. Most of my family and friends back home here are in stable, lasting relationships, which makes me feel even worse about my recent actions. Even though I didn’t do anything necessarily wrong…I just feel…cheap. Like I meet a lot of people and make connections but those connections fizzle out or turn out to be not what they seem. I have come to the conclusion that most guys at the places I go want fun and fun only. They don’t want to be tied down or committed or responsible – or mature. I can see why someone would want this freedom, which I do too but I also want some sort of consistency in my life. Not a marriage proposal…just someone who cares about me and won’t throw me away like I’m nothing.



About samissam

Girl 20 College Student

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